I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
