I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
