i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
