Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
