o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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