11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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