My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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