my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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