It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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