you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
