The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Boobs are out for the taking
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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