i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Randomize
