actually, I'm a sock model
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
