I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
