420 ftw
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
even my farts smell like vagina
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
