I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
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you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
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I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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