Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
