great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
