Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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