im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
When are your genitals available?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
