if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
