i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
They took my balls.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
