just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
