I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
