I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
