We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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