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You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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