He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
