I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
