I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
