We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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