I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
