im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
