god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I love having hate sex.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
