I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
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If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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