Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Vodka?
Forever.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
