just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
