I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
