you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
