He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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