Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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