Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
