One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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