Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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