Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
