Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
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