I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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