great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
