i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
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It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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