it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
