Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
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