You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I had to cum in my sink.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
