Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
