it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
