He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
