I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize