I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
