How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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