If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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