i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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