he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
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Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
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Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
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