she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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