I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
