the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
