im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
