Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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