We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
