How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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